FIVE “GRIM” LIMERICKS, by Jonathan Caswell
(1.)
The husband found someone much younger
To satisfy his growing hunger,
But his wife found out “natch”
And with great dispatch
Found them with each other and hung her!
(2.)
Mr. Pullman was afraid of grave robbers
So enlisted some extra tomb jobbers
To crisscross with steel
The tomb passage seal
To avoid desecration thing-a-ma-bobbers.
(3.)
That Valentine’s Day, lots of candy
Is sold in the stores is just dandy…
If diabetics go high
To the sweet bye-and-bye,
We’ll know then that something went randy.
(4.)
You heard the news about Nellie…
Who fell into hamburger smelly,
The dogs bit her face
In the most fatal place…
The food at her wake—vermicelli.
(5.)
A log roller rolled one too far
And all that they found was a spar
With a piton attached
The man was dispatched
In a way so tragic and bizarre.
AUTHOR’S NOTE: Other than than George Pullman’s fear of being desecrated after death—he did have crisscrossed steel rails installed in his tomb—and the potential effects of too much sugar on a diabetic—and the hundreds of river log drives where men were killed—the above limericks are fictional….no people, dogs or vermicelli were hurt in the writing of this poetry.
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