Please just let me be me~by Nutan Sarawagi

 

 

Please just let me be me

You think I am brilliant

Which I am anyway not

brilliance lost in it’s own sunshine

a heart beating without a heart

to set my mind to rest

to test myself of all the things

I know I may have said

do I really mean what I say

or is it just to cover myself

from the sinking feeling

which never lets go

sinking down my heart

the shadows of depression

that never leave me

the haunting feelings which

forever haunt me

only to taunt me

that I know too much

or at least pretend

to know too much

I have a lot of learning to do

and unlearning too

before I rest myself in peace

making peace with myself

telling myself that I have a long way to go

before I set myself to rest

without any protest

I hate myself I know

want to destroy everything I know , not know

taking down with me the little or nothing that’s left of me

sinking it deep within me

I sink

not letting go of myself

I think

then why do I want to die

just another pretense to lie

that I don’t want to live

when I am actually DYING..to LIVE

I say I am not afraid of death

it’s the biggest lie to myself

why I am afraid of telling the truth

believing in half measured truths

I am tired of testing myself so much

selling myself to others’ for not much

they don’t know what I want

I just want to rest in peace

to be alone with myself

where even I cannot find myself

Can you help me

I am a liar to the core..who believes in no one

hurting others to save myself

in the bargain hurting everyone

what’s my problem ..I don’t know

no harm to me has anyone done

then why am I not bleeding myself

instead of bleeding others’ to death

why don’t I get a life

before I destroy others’ lives

who has given me this right

it is MY ‘I’ which protests

but no one..can take it away from me

and replace it with thee, for anyone is better than me

in this game of being one

I have already lost , no one has won

I just want to be one

with thee !

Oh god please help me

I want to believe in thee

but my reasoning , just does not let me be

for if I don’t exist..then how can you be

so both of us let’s die , like stars in the sky

in another day we shall live

where life will be a distant dream

where only you and I will live

that day I shall await

when you will be one

with me !

until then please let me be

I just want to rest in peace

please just let

me be

me.

 

Copyright @Nutan Sarawagi 2014