Posted by: Ron DuBour | April 28, 2019

Daily missive for Tuesday the 28th of April.1977.~by Peter Forster


 

 

Daily missive for Tuesday the 28th of April.
1977.

I did not know you.
Not really
Not today.
I knew of you,
The preparations for
Your arrival
Never seeming complete.
I waited with trepidation,
Worried about my suitability,
My expertise.
Was I deserving?
Would I be able to cope
With the future,
And what was to come
Of a life, I was still
So unsure of.
But nothing
Could have prepared me
For the changes
That awaited.
I thought that
If I could just
Love you strongly enough
All would be well.
It was the natural way
Of things,
An inevitability.
Life would be affected,
And accepted that
In the round,
I might need to change
What were, up until then,
Selfish goals.
Perhaps, looking back,
I was already confused
By what was to come
Of my place in the world,
Questioning life,
And its purpose.
The ground was not
As prepared as it should have been.
But I was blinded
By ignorance and youth.
You were a stranger,
An expectation
Of great promise,
But a feared one.
I realise now,
Not enough was said,
There was already
A breakdown,
Communication difficult
To maintain,
Barriers constructed,
Too hazardous to overcome.
It is only now, after
So many years
And with a great well of
Residual sadness,
That I have come to understand
What trepidation
Your arrival had caused.
Upsetting a fragile balance
That was always precarious.
And tomorrow
When you came
The scales were tipped,
And never righted.
Lives forever changed.
Loving you
And all that meant
For my life
Began tomorrow.
And though,
Once again, you are not here,
The impact of you
Has changed me forever.
I know that I can love
Without prejudice.
I can give of myself
For no reward,
Just the love it brings.
I can be strong in my convictions,
Stand firm,
Even in the fiercest winds,
And my love
Of you
And all those who love me
Will never bend.


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